Fly Swatter Soup
Lately it feels as if the universe doesn't want me to cook. The last few meals I have made, or rather, tired to make, have been failures of epic proportions. Burnt chicken that took our frying pan along with it, pasta strainers dumping noodles into the drain, jasmine rice packages spilling all over the floor, and most notably, what will now and forever be referred to as, The Fly Swatter Incident.
Last week, in an attempt to start eating cleaner and healthier, I decided to make a Tuscan White Bean Soup. All from scratch of course.
I spent quality time preparing the base of olive oil, finely minced sweet onion, Organic, Nitrate free- Turkey bacon, and pressed garlic. I sauteed everything on a low heat for about 40 minutes. I slowly added everything else, chicken stock, tomato paste, white beans, diced tomato, and kale. I left it on a very very low flame so it would cook slowly, cause, slowly cooked soup just tastes better, and thinking of it now I guess I should have just actually used the slow cooker but, I didn't and there's no use shoulda-ing over fly swatter stirred soup.
So yeah, as it slowly cooked and started to smell wonderful, little Iris opened the front door to get the mail, and our beast of a dog got out and decided to go on a barking rampage all up and down the street. Fortunately, she's a fat old lady so she didn't get far before she was all worn out. But still, I had to go get her. I grabbed her harness and went out the front too. I found her panting on our neighbors lawn in all her woefully disobedient glory.
I get her back inside, and see that there's a chair pushed in front of the soup pot (Which has barely started to bubble) and all the kale had been pushed to the side. Hmmm, why is there a chair over here? Why is the kale moved to the side? But more pressing, why is our fly swatter in the sink with soup all over it?
Omg, no no no no no no no. He didn't.
So I ask my sweetest little of all littles..."Tilden did you cook?"
"Yes mama, I make soup. I put in sink. "
Oh Gross, he totally did.
We ordered Thai food and my lovely soup, god rest it, got dumped down the drain.
In my retelling of this story, I have been asked by a few people if the fly swatter was clean.
To that I say, no, and, who is regularly cleaning their fly swatters?
I know that had it boiled long enough all bacteria would have been cooked out of it. But regardless, it's just, kinda gross. Plus, I did also swat a bunch of flies right before, and I'm no top chef, but I am pretty sure fly guts are not an ingredient in tuscan white bean soup.
And sure, if it were an emergency or like, the great depression, we'd have to eat it. And we would have and it probably would have been fine. But it wasn't, and it isn't, and I just can't. So we didn't.
And being someone who is adamantly against food waste, tossing that soup killed me.
As did the nearly two whole hours it took for the Thai food order I placed right afterwards to get here.
Last week, in an attempt to start eating cleaner and healthier, I decided to make a Tuscan White Bean Soup. All from scratch of course.
I spent quality time preparing the base of olive oil, finely minced sweet onion, Organic, Nitrate free- Turkey bacon, and pressed garlic. I sauteed everything on a low heat for about 40 minutes. I slowly added everything else, chicken stock, tomato paste, white beans, diced tomato, and kale. I left it on a very very low flame so it would cook slowly, cause, slowly cooked soup just tastes better, and thinking of it now I guess I should have just actually used the slow cooker but, I didn't and there's no use shoulda-ing over fly swatter stirred soup.
So yeah, as it slowly cooked and started to smell wonderful, little Iris opened the front door to get the mail, and our beast of a dog got out and decided to go on a barking rampage all up and down the street. Fortunately, she's a fat old lady so she didn't get far before she was all worn out. But still, I had to go get her. I grabbed her harness and went out the front too. I found her panting on our neighbors lawn in all her woefully disobedient glory.
I get her back inside, and see that there's a chair pushed in front of the soup pot (Which has barely started to bubble) and all the kale had been pushed to the side. Hmmm, why is there a chair over here? Why is the kale moved to the side? But more pressing, why is our fly swatter in the sink with soup all over it?
Omg, no no no no no no no. He didn't.
So I ask my sweetest little of all littles..."Tilden did you cook?"
"Yes mama, I make soup. I put in sink. "
Oh Gross, he totally did.
We ordered Thai food and my lovely soup, god rest it, got dumped down the drain.
In my retelling of this story, I have been asked by a few people if the fly swatter was clean.
To that I say, no, and, who is regularly cleaning their fly swatters?
I know that had it boiled long enough all bacteria would have been cooked out of it. But regardless, it's just, kinda gross. Plus, I did also swat a bunch of flies right before, and I'm no top chef, but I am pretty sure fly guts are not an ingredient in tuscan white bean soup.
And sure, if it were an emergency or like, the great depression, we'd have to eat it. And we would have and it probably would have been fine. But it wasn't, and it isn't, and I just can't. So we didn't.
And being someone who is adamantly against food waste, tossing that soup killed me.
As did the nearly two whole hours it took for the Thai food order I placed right afterwards to get here.
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