Technology Challenged
I had about 1000 pictures on my iPhone of the kids and us and Gypsy and other things that I have been unable to photo-dump because my OS was out of date. Today I finally was able to update my mac book software and in doing that, I had to update my itunes, which I didn’t want to do but felt like I had to do, and then, the new itunes no longer recognized my iPhone and when I plugged my phone in to get it set up, for some, (for lack of a better word) F***ed up stupid, computer glitch reason, it erased all of my pictures from June to now. Every. Single. One.
I have been in and out of tears all day. Yes I know, in comparison to other things in life it is not that big of a deal, but it is to me. It's pictures that cannot be retaken. Or replaced. Pictures from Iris' first day of kindergarten, our summer trip to San Diego, the day Iris got her hair dyed pink, Tilden on the train at Descanso, Iris singing in her rock show, a silly video of Tilden and me making faces, and just some regular everyday pictures. Yes, I know about the stupid icloud and I probably should have been backing up daily and blah blah blah, but I didn't because it was never working and I don't really know how to do that and why should I have to? Those pictures should have just been safe on my stupid over priced computer phone and transferred over when I plugged my phone in. But nope. They're just gone. Gone gone gone forever.
It is just a handful of pictures that I am really sad about. All taken from June until yesterday. Most of my favorites are on my instagram and facebook. But there were so many others that I was just holding onto that were still super special to me. I feel this devastation for those lost pictures. It makes my heart hurt.
I try to pep talk myself and think of how I have some of the really really important ones. And Matt has some on his phone too. So all hope isn't totally lost. But really, it is. There's no way to get those lost pictures back.
When I was at Trader Joe's today distracting myself by getting stuff to make for dinner tonight (and getting their mini ice cream cones so I can eat my feelings) I had this thought of how when I was growing up we didn't take pictures all the time. If I were to go to my moms house and dig through all our family pictures, my entire childhood in pictures would barely fill a shoebox, and I am fine. I am not hurting for more pictures of me as a baby or child. And I am pretty sure my mom isn't broken up because she doesn't have every single picture of me from every month of my life.
So I guess I shouldn't be either. *Shouldn't be* but I am. It'll take time to be okay with it. At least I know that going forward, I can take more pictures (and back them up). I know there are plenty of pictures of Tilden that I DO have. It just made me so sad that nine months worth of pictures are just now gone.
I think what it is is that, Tilden is my baby boy. He is the last baby I will have. And those pictures were the last pictures I will have of him at those ages. He will never be 15 months again, 18 months again, 22 months again. And all those pictures I took of him at those ages, I will never get to see again. And I felt like, in loosing those pictures, I lost a part of him. A small piece of his babyhood.
And he is quickly becoming no longer a baby. He will officially be a toddler next month.
The big T-W-O.
In April, my baby boy, will be a baby no more. He is on his way to being a full on little boy. I have plenty more moments to take pictures of. His new found boyhood will be just as special in documenting. But this time I will do it with an actual camera or the iPhone but just join the year 2018 already in progress and back up to the stupid iCloud.
I have been in and out of tears all day. Yes I know, in comparison to other things in life it is not that big of a deal, but it is to me. It's pictures that cannot be retaken. Or replaced. Pictures from Iris' first day of kindergarten, our summer trip to San Diego, the day Iris got her hair dyed pink, Tilden on the train at Descanso, Iris singing in her rock show, a silly video of Tilden and me making faces, and just some regular everyday pictures. Yes, I know about the stupid icloud and I probably should have been backing up daily and blah blah blah, but I didn't because it was never working and I don't really know how to do that and why should I have to? Those pictures should have just been safe on my stupid over priced computer phone and transferred over when I plugged my phone in. But nope. They're just gone. Gone gone gone forever.
It is just a handful of pictures that I am really sad about. All taken from June until yesterday. Most of my favorites are on my instagram and facebook. But there were so many others that I was just holding onto that were still super special to me. I feel this devastation for those lost pictures. It makes my heart hurt.
I try to pep talk myself and think of how I have some of the really really important ones. And Matt has some on his phone too. So all hope isn't totally lost. But really, it is. There's no way to get those lost pictures back.
When I was at Trader Joe's today distracting myself by getting stuff to make for dinner tonight (and getting their mini ice cream cones so I can eat my feelings) I had this thought of how when I was growing up we didn't take pictures all the time. If I were to go to my moms house and dig through all our family pictures, my entire childhood in pictures would barely fill a shoebox, and I am fine. I am not hurting for more pictures of me as a baby or child. And I am pretty sure my mom isn't broken up because she doesn't have every single picture of me from every month of my life.
So I guess I shouldn't be either. *Shouldn't be* but I am. It'll take time to be okay with it. At least I know that going forward, I can take more pictures (and back them up). I know there are plenty of pictures of Tilden that I DO have. It just made me so sad that nine months worth of pictures are just now gone.
I think what it is is that, Tilden is my baby boy. He is the last baby I will have. And those pictures were the last pictures I will have of him at those ages. He will never be 15 months again, 18 months again, 22 months again. And all those pictures I took of him at those ages, I will never get to see again. And I felt like, in loosing those pictures, I lost a part of him. A small piece of his babyhood.
And he is quickly becoming no longer a baby. He will officially be a toddler next month.
The big T-W-O.
In April, my baby boy, will be a baby no more. He is on his way to being a full on little boy. I have plenty more moments to take pictures of. His new found boyhood will be just as special in documenting. But this time I will do it with an actual camera or the iPhone but just join the year 2018 already in progress and back up to the stupid iCloud.
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