Kids will be kids
Yesterday afternoon we went to a picnic with some of my husband's colleagues. It was a relief that there were other kids there for my littles to play with. More specifically, I was relived that my littles didn't get into any fights with the other kids that were there.
My daughter is real big on fairness, and is, what I like to call emotionally intelligent, rather than "sensitive". So she pretty much is always getting into some kind of something with some kid at the park or at school or with her cousins, about hurt feelings or someone being unkind.
It can get pretty exhausting to always have to play interference with her and whomever it is that she feels has "wronged" her. I try not to discount her feelings or invalidate how she has perceived the situation. But, truthfully, my girl can make a scene, which is sometimes very difficult to manage, both with her drama and my frustration with her inability to just let stuff go.
And while I am laying it all out here, I will also say that it gets real annoying real quick when she does this with people who we have just met.
So yesterday, I was super relived to see her having a great time with zero fighting. And her little brother was tantrum free also.
It wasn't like we needed to make a good impression, but, it is always stressful to me when my children don't necessarily behave in a way that I am proud of around people that I do not know very well. I am also uncomfortable with the idea that, the possibly one and only time I am meeting new people, will be on the very same occasion that my kids are behaving at their worst.
I personally do not judge (most) people based on the behavior of their kids. But I worry people will judge me based on the behavior of mine. I know that my child's occasional irrational, or super bratty behavior is not a reflection of my parenting but why does it have to happen on the very same occasion that I am meeting someone for the first time? Like, it doesn't ever happen around strangers I will never see again or people who know that my kids are actually great. Nope, it happens around people I want to maybe know better or whose first impression of me really matters to me.
I have (at least I hope I have) taught my kids to be kind and polite and courteous. But ultimately, they are still their own person. They are just small humans capable of making their own choices, and have free will to act like tiny assholes all on their own. Small humans whose bad behavior choices are not my choices, they are theirs.
And even though I know this, I still feel totally responsible when my kid acts miserably towards others. I still feel like those choices reflect poorly upon me.
Because, raising kids is like, the end all be all for outsider judgment. And sadly, most people are more judgey than they are understanding, and most people can be assholes about it. So when my kids are acting like little turds, and I feel the judgey eyes on my, I get very awkwardly uncomfortable and I just want it to end. But it never does. Because as I try to calmly tell my child that is acting like the very worst version of themselves, to please stop whatever it is they are doing, it only makes it ten times worse, and the behavior I am trying to correct is then amplified, multiplied, and exploding to something even worse than what it was when I first asked them to stop.
Kids couldn't care less about how others see them. And that's a wonderful thing. And maybe I should take a note from my own two kids about not caring what others might think of me because of how they are acting.
Or maybe I am over thinking all of it.
Maybe all of this is just... kids being kids.
As a parent, one of my many jobs, is to help my kids learn that it is okay to get mad, it is okay to feel hurt by someone, and it is okay to realize that maybe you are not having fun with your cousins at grandmas house. But there's a finesse to how you express those feelings. Not everything is worth running away crying. And I get how hard that last one is because even as a grown ass lady, I STILL get upset with people and I just want to run away screaming.
What I am trying to say is, when my child is having big feelings, it is probably better to try to comfort them and come from a place of genuine concern rather than annoyance at them making a to-do about whatever it is that has happened.
I guess the theory of catching more bees with honey is true in all areas of life.
My daughter is real big on fairness, and is, what I like to call emotionally intelligent, rather than "sensitive". So she pretty much is always getting into some kind of something with some kid at the park or at school or with her cousins, about hurt feelings or someone being unkind.
It can get pretty exhausting to always have to play interference with her and whomever it is that she feels has "wronged" her. I try not to discount her feelings or invalidate how she has perceived the situation. But, truthfully, my girl can make a scene, which is sometimes very difficult to manage, both with her drama and my frustration with her inability to just let stuff go.
And while I am laying it all out here, I will also say that it gets real annoying real quick when she does this with people who we have just met.
So yesterday, I was super relived to see her having a great time with zero fighting. And her little brother was tantrum free also.
It wasn't like we needed to make a good impression, but, it is always stressful to me when my children don't necessarily behave in a way that I am proud of around people that I do not know very well. I am also uncomfortable with the idea that, the possibly one and only time I am meeting new people, will be on the very same occasion that my kids are behaving at their worst.
I personally do not judge (most) people based on the behavior of their kids. But I worry people will judge me based on the behavior of mine. I know that my child's occasional irrational, or super bratty behavior is not a reflection of my parenting but why does it have to happen on the very same occasion that I am meeting someone for the first time? Like, it doesn't ever happen around strangers I will never see again or people who know that my kids are actually great. Nope, it happens around people I want to maybe know better or whose first impression of me really matters to me.
I have (at least I hope I have) taught my kids to be kind and polite and courteous. But ultimately, they are still their own person. They are just small humans capable of making their own choices, and have free will to act like tiny assholes all on their own. Small humans whose bad behavior choices are not my choices, they are theirs.
And even though I know this, I still feel totally responsible when my kid acts miserably towards others. I still feel like those choices reflect poorly upon me.
Because, raising kids is like, the end all be all for outsider judgment. And sadly, most people are more judgey than they are understanding, and most people can be assholes about it. So when my kids are acting like little turds, and I feel the judgey eyes on my, I get very awkwardly uncomfortable and I just want it to end. But it never does. Because as I try to calmly tell my child that is acting like the very worst version of themselves, to please stop whatever it is they are doing, it only makes it ten times worse, and the behavior I am trying to correct is then amplified, multiplied, and exploding to something even worse than what it was when I first asked them to stop.
Kids couldn't care less about how others see them. And that's a wonderful thing. And maybe I should take a note from my own two kids about not caring what others might think of me because of how they are acting.
Or maybe I am over thinking all of it.
Maybe all of this is just... kids being kids.
As a parent, one of my many jobs, is to help my kids learn that it is okay to get mad, it is okay to feel hurt by someone, and it is okay to realize that maybe you are not having fun with your cousins at grandmas house. But there's a finesse to how you express those feelings. Not everything is worth running away crying. And I get how hard that last one is because even as a grown ass lady, I STILL get upset with people and I just want to run away screaming.
What I am trying to say is, when my child is having big feelings, it is probably better to try to comfort them and come from a place of genuine concern rather than annoyance at them making a to-do about whatever it is that has happened.
I guess the theory of catching more bees with honey is true in all areas of life.
Comments
Post a Comment